Idaho Falls, Idaho is an Oasis of capitalism seldom seen since the early 80s. While other communities have evolved since Regan was president, Idaho Falls remains the same, stuck in a time some would rather forget and many barely remember.
Idaho Falls is the commercial epicenter of Eastern Idaho and Western Wyoming. it is here that rural residents can purchase the most basic of goods not available in the surrounding communities
Without Idaho Falls, or I.F. as the cool kids call it, we would be oblivious of
theme restaurants like TGIF Fridays or Applebee’s with their quirky décor of American Pop Culture covering every square inch of the walls and their Fried Macaroni and Cheese. Without I.F. we wouldn’t have access to season after season of Full House, Alf, Designing Women or Quincy on DVD. If not for Idaho Falls, we would have never known about the advances in science that allows make up to be permanently tattooed to one’s face.
Idaho Falls is made up of three main areas, downtown, the mall sprawl and industrial. The industrial areas include some remaining farms, where those fries you ate at Macdonald’s last week likely originated. This area of town is also the home of fine establishments like Stinker Gas, the Smog Café, Surplus Carpet warehouses, heavy machinery retailers and collection agencies.
Downtown Idaho Falls has largely been taken over by flea markets, Mexican tiendas, Mormon thrift stores/temples and by the counter culture of Idaho Falls, consisting of a café called the Snake Bite, where Godless heathens can get a latte and a sandwich with sprouts on it.
The Mall sprawl is the most densely populated area of town. A traffic light every 20 feet affords one the opportunity to know this part of town intimately. Traffic Crawls at a slow pace, which is probably about right for the classic cars driven by I.F. residents. These cars, because of their age, need extra time to get from point A to point B. And really, considering these cars should have been shipped off to some third world country about 10 years ago, we should congratulate the fine people of IF for their ingenuity in keeping these motors humming.
Not everyone in Idaho Falls has the same car they had in 1984. The more affluent residents, that is to say the ones with a sense of style and crippling debt, drive larger cars. Gasoline crisis and wartime be damned, these folks love them some V8 engines and over sized tires. These cars almost always declare their owner’s abundant sense of pride in having been born to the greatest country that God himself ever created on the face of the Earth.
The rich and poor alike use their cars to participate in their other favorite pastime: spending copious amounts of money on consumer goods. Fat cats on Wall Street and Bentonville, Arkansas must salivate at the very thought of the people of Idaho Falls turning over every dollar they earn, borrow or steal to corporate America.
Idaho Falls is the commercial epicenter of Eastern Idaho and Western Wyoming. it is here that rural residents can purchase the most basic of goods not available in the surrounding communities
Without Idaho Falls, or I.F. as the cool kids call it, we would be oblivious of
theme restaurants like TGIF Fridays or Applebee’s with their quirky décor of American Pop Culture covering every square inch of the walls and their Fried Macaroni and Cheese. Without I.F. we wouldn’t have access to season after season of Full House, Alf, Designing Women or Quincy on DVD. If not for Idaho Falls, we would have never known about the advances in science that allows make up to be permanently tattooed to one’s face.
Idaho Falls is made up of three main areas, downtown, the mall sprawl and industrial. The industrial areas include some remaining farms, where those fries you ate at Macdonald’s last week likely originated. This area of town is also the home of fine establishments like Stinker Gas, the Smog Café, Surplus Carpet warehouses, heavy machinery retailers and collection agencies.
Downtown Idaho Falls has largely been taken over by flea markets, Mexican tiendas, Mormon thrift stores/temples and by the counter culture of Idaho Falls, consisting of a café called the Snake Bite, where Godless heathens can get a latte and a sandwich with sprouts on it.
Downtown is very retro in that "never been maintained or renovated" kind of way
Downtown is home to the Famous “Idaho Falls.” While not as impressive as Niagara Falls, or even one of those waterfall garden fountains you can buy at Wal-Mart, the falls are never the less a favorite of locals and visitors alike. The Falls are man made, which begs the question: Which came first, the construction of the falls, or the naming of the town?
"The Falls" are featured in millions of wedding & engagement photos.
Downtown Idaho Falls is reminiscent of a Bruce Springsteen song, lamenting the death of small town America in favor of Global homogeneous Capitalism. Luckily, the people of Idaho Falls, with their two super sized Wal-Mart’s, are pretty gung-ho on global capitalism and the abundance of cheap goods it offers.The Mall sprawl is the most densely populated area of town. A traffic light every 20 feet affords one the opportunity to know this part of town intimately. Traffic Crawls at a slow pace, which is probably about right for the classic cars driven by I.F. residents. These cars, because of their age, need extra time to get from point A to point B. And really, considering these cars should have been shipped off to some third world country about 10 years ago, we should congratulate the fine people of IF for their ingenuity in keeping these motors humming.
Regardless of the day of the week or the time of day or year, the Malls and box stores are crowded with an endless stream of humanity, filling their carts with products made in countries they will never see and know little about. All this time spent spending must leave little time for earning, yet one would think that you can’t have one without the other. Besides the obvious conclusion that people must earn their money working at other retail outlets, it’s highly debatable how the people of Idaho Falls always have money to spend. With Robert Stack dead and buried, I’m afraid this mystery remains unsolved.
The Women of Idaho Falls are very much into fashion and style. As it happens, the fashion and style they most prefer has seldom been seen since Poison stopped touring. Never the less, they keep the sale of Aqua net and Caboodles cosmetic organizers going strong.
These energetic ladies are some of the more fertile women on the planet, usually popping out at least 2 by the age of 20. Wasting no time in getting their cubic zirconium rings, these women get the business of child bearing out of the way early so they can get their man committed and get on to the business of letting themselves go at a reasonable age.
All though the men are usually observed on weekends, those seen during the week in Idaho Falls should not be ignored. They are usually standing alone on a corner, either encouraging you to try the fish special, or protesting some unbearable injustice.
And there is plenty for the kids too. When they aren’t following their parents around discounted retail box stores, kids in Idaho Falls are educated at a state of the art facility conveniently located right next to the technical college where they will eventually become the cosmetologists and jiffy lube mechanics of tomorrow. Kids can also safely enjoy teeter tottering away in the city’s parks, a privilege not available to kids in other states where the antiquated equipment was long ago deemed dangerous. Older students have an abundance of opportunity to master the skills they will need to succeed in today’s economy.
Idaho Falls, Idaho, an Oasis on the Northern Plains. With so much to offer its no wonder Idaho Falls Idaho has been named the fourth largest city in Idaho. Book your tickets today, pack up your family and get to Idaho Falls, Idaho: a place to be.
